Should parents read their child’s text or monitor their online activity? This question has been floating around those parent blog sites and the answer is fairly obvious in my opinion: no, you shouldn’t spy on your kids. There is this little thing called communication that is very useful if you’re worried about what your child is doing.

“It’s not that easy,” complains a lot of parents. You’re right, it’s not. But then again, is anything about raising a kid supposed to be easy? As far as reading your child’s texts or rummaging through their social media profiles, I would say most of the time, don’t do that.

James Lehman, writer for Empowering Parents, states, “Adolescents need to separate and individuate. What that means is that they want to have a life of their own, and adolescence is really about preparing them for that. You should know that part of that process includes forming boundaries.” I’m sure parents don’t want their kids snooping through their stuff. Shouldn’t parents give their responsible and mature children the same respect?

I was talking to a group of adults and they all agreed that it’s okay to monitor your kid. I don’t think I’ve ever been so slapped in the face by reality. It was obvious that these parents had no idea that their actions are a violation. It’s alarming how quickly adults seem to forget that their children are people.

Looking through your kids’ stuff is probably the most effective way to ensure that your kid doesn’t tell you anything. Tumblr user, daeranile stated, “At age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I had depression and she snapped at me and told me to ‘not joke about things like that’. I stopped telling my mother when I felt upset.”

Of course, there are exceptions to this dilemma. If you are worried for your child’s safety, like they are hurting themselves with drugs or alcohol or just in general, then by all means, snoop away. Other than that, leave your kid’s private stuff alone.

When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things: You do not respect their rights as an individual, you do not trust them to fix their problems or seek help, and you probably haven’t been listening to them. Information about pretty much everything you feel the need to snoop for, can probably be obtained by communicating and listening to your child.